Jet Lag

An update on Day 1

The transfer went as expected. All the kids broke down in tears as they entered the van. But it lasted only about 20 minutes. After that they saw an airplane and got excited.

Petra is the one we are having the most trouble with so far, but that is expected. Petra is also the one who has asked for physical affection from me, which is a very good sign. Last night she had a screaming tantrum because we would not allow her and Ivan to sleep together. We allowed them to try but they just kept winding each other up more and more and after 1+ hours of giving them chances, I said no. She threw a 4-year-old style fit and I had to hold her in my arms for a while as she screamed. I am not sure this girl has had any firm boundaries for the last 3 years. She does not act like it. She is very difficult to redirect. She asked for sugar or candy at least a dozen time yesterday. Finally, she ate her dinner of spaghetti after not eating lunch and just a little bit of apple for a snack. She has a really good heart, is very sweet and caring but doesn't have any self-regulation. I am not convinced it is ADHD though. I think it might be her past environment. I have put all the kids on methyl-folate and we will try hard to avoid the sugars for a long while with all of them. Ivan and Petra both look thin currently and a little gaunt.

On the upside, a lack of "honeymoon" is actually a good sign. The least amount of the honeymoon stage means less insecurity they feel and the issues are more superficial than deep.

Penka is amazing. Kind and grown up and tries her best to help me with the young ones. She is a doll.

Ivan is doing a little better than expected. Ivan is scared and cries at times throughout the day. But it is healthy grieving. At other times he plays and laughs well.

Donka does whatever Petra does, but is generally cute and silly. She does not want me to touch her much yet. I have told myself to do what feels natural, trust my instincts with physical affection and let the kids lead on that one. The books all say give back to them 200% of how they reach out to you. If they give you a big hug, hug them twice as hard back, that sort of thing.

I found myself a little sleepless last night. I think I got 2 hours of good sleep and the rest was just tossing and turning. I finally got up at 4am. It was partially jet lag, partially cortisol from dealing with a 9-year-old temper tantrum.

My question is: How long until they learn to trust me and accept me as their mother? My heart is already there and loves all of them very much. But I know it will take time.

In the midst of the cortisol and strain, I still feel much joy.