There has been no news from Bulgaria or the adoption agency. The court date was two weeks ago, but we do not know the full details of what has to take place before we get approval to travel the first time. We are hoping it will be soon. Every morning I open my email account hoping for a good word from a distant land.
We went to the local orphan summit this last weekend. I left not feeling encouraged but instead saddened by the atmosphere and generally hardened responses of the local families. Most of the attendees seemed to be families coming from the foster system.
There is a reason we gave up on fostering 2 years ago after having almost 20 children through our home in the previous 5 years. The foster system destroys the empathy and compassion good foster families naturally have. They fill homes up too full, don't respect foster families' needs for grieving over lost foster children, and they bully the foster families not allowing foster homes to have rights or a significant voice in the proceedings of the children, nor do they respect the time constraints and other burdens families have. Some of these foster homes are the only homes the children have known from birth and the families often do not get treated as such. In our experience, we saw far too much corruption, bullying, and abuse from the social workers towards us. I wish there was a way to revamp America's system. It all makes me very sad.
This last weekend there was a callousness in the parents in times of group discussion that was very difficult for me to see. What America's children need are soft and warm parents who are not afraid to love these children as their own. But in order for that to happen the system has to put in boundaries to protect the foster homes. I do not recommend specifics beyond allowing fewer children in the home that cannot be moved around. Currently, a foster home can have up to 6 children in their homes and many social workers will disregard this number out of a lack of foster homes and stuff even more into one home. Korea and Bulgaria only allow one child per foster home and the foster homes get treated very well. They are successful programs. But, beyond specifics, what is needed here is an attitude toward highly respecting the foster homes with dignity and regarding them as the treasures that they are. If foster homes are treated better and have more boundaries I believe there would be more foster homes and less need to max out the numbers in the homes.
Alas, we have chosen to adopt internationally and yes, this is the reason why. America does have a great need to care for our fatherless and unprotected children, and this should be American's first priority, to bless the land we are in and seek peace in our own cities. But we found our local foster system unbearable and unmanageable. It was devastating.
